This is why I stopped eating meat.

Friday, March 10, 2017

I wrote for about 15 minutes today, so I rewarded myself with 30 minutes of staring at my new pet fish and realizing that I’ve been so involved with anxiety these past few months that I feel, for the first time in those months, completely unanxious. My mind has temporarily given up. I’ve given all I could give to worries and wants. I think the breaking point was the nightmare I had last night: I was running late for my wedding. I didn't remember to book a caterer and didn't have a white dress. No one could believe it, but I still showed up. Then I ran off for reasons I forget. The wedding happened without me. The second breaking point was, after coming back to my office after enjoying a fresh fish taco lunch, I couldn't look my new pet fish in its eyes. I felt so bad. I felt so bad that I couldn't feel anymore.

On this day 4 years ago, right about this time, I was dropping Brad off at the Nashville airport. We'd just had a long discussion on my couch about the state of our union. I invited him out to Nashville on a whim and he agreed on a whim, and within two days he was there, and in a flash he was back on a plane again. That was a terrifying time in my life and I'm glad we've been through what we went through. He still is the hottest person I've ever seen in my life. He's also funnier than I am, by a lot.

This is the honorable Ruth Betta Finsburg. She's the fish I can't make eye contact with anymore.

Now that I’ve thought about it, I realized that my life goal is to someday hold eye contact with a fish and not constantly divert my gaze down and away from theirs because that’s what abused pit bull puppies do, not female human beings.