three years

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Three years ago. I was freshly removed from the grips of a relationship that was so, so wrong for us both. Living in Nashville, but working on my exit strategy. Completely and utterly alone.

I don't remember much from this time in my life. But the fragments that remain are saturated with song lyrics that cropped up at exactly the right moment; flights that were booked without much thought to them; hope that maybe, finally, things would work out between us.

"Remember, you're never stuck. You always have home." my dad told me, after my two-hour-long fit of hysteria over the phone to him one night. The great irony of it all was that everyone around me knew this day would come, but all they could do was be there for me when my life inevitably fell apart. And they were.

It wasn't simple, we both had doubts, and we both hurt a few people to get where we are today. But one of the biggest life lessons I learned was that it's okay to hurt others for the sake of yourself. Heartbreak is part of life. You move on, you find love again, you realize how silly it was to ever be upset in the first place. I was sad to hurt these people -- I have deep, deep regret and apologies for the way it was handled. But I'm not sorry for choosing this.

Three years ago, I put myself first and we went for it. We gave ourselves space. I boarded my flight a day later, and told you I was ready to take the chance, despite a little messiness.

There's no one I'd rather make a huge, fucking mess with.