I hate my neighbor and I hope she knows it.

Monday, February 29, 2016

I want to take a moment and Internet bully my next door neighbors for a minute.

I hate my next door neighbors. From what I can tell, they are two early-20s white girls with no responsibilities and someone else paying their rent. For reference: I live in a small, 12-unit building. All of the units are occupied by either young, full-time professionals, and a few older, retired couples. Because we are all either working or retired, we are generally pretty quiet and keep to ourselves, save for the few times we have to share the elevator or pass each other in the halls. We all live a traditional schedule, stay quiet at night, although I've heard some recreational guitar playing downstairs and sometimes I can hear a TV through the vents. Nothing incriminating or awful.

Since these two twats have moved in, my life has been miserable. One of them clearly doesn't have a job. Her car is in the garage all day everyday. I often see her sitting inside their furniture-less living room alone, iPhone in hand, talking as loudly as fucking possible about absolutely nothing at all. The other presumably has a job and doesn't bother me as much, although I did catch her acting drunker than she really was while commenting on the "amaaaaazing view" until she saw me glaring at her, at which point she creeped backwards into her apartment so I couldn't see/hear her (bless her heart!).

Jobless Twat has the bedroom adjacent to mine. Our patios are next to each other and she just fucking LOVES having other twats over to blast bad music and talk shit about other girls. I know this because she chooses to do it at 10 PM on week nights while I am trying to sleep a foot away. I can't decide if she is completely unaware, or if she knows how loud she is and doesn't care.

They frequently have people over. I've assumed that they tell our front gate code to all of their friends based on that time it was Saturday at 7 AM and someone was frantically pounding on their front door. I got off the couch, opened my front door, and stared at some tall, hairy, dumb shit bro dog and asked him "ARE YOU OKAY?" He chuckled and said "yeah," to which I replied "OH, OKAY, BECAUSE THE WAY YOU ARE POUNDING ON THAT DOOR MAKES IT SOUND LIKE YOU ARE NOT OKAY."

I've never seen the same friends over there twice. They must be so popular, which is astounding because their personalities are so bad. I once saw Jobless Twat run from her car to the elevator in the garage so that I wouldn't have time to get in it before the doors closed. SHE RAN AWAY FROM ME. AS SHE FUCKING SHOULD.

Despite their loudness and their bad taste in music and their general basicness, things had been relatively fine.

Until Friday.

Friday night we were woken up at 2 AM by the sounds of Jobless Twat fucking a high-voiced dude who was probably trying to put on some kind of sexy show for her and it was so embarrassing. The sound of their fucking was so loud that in my sleepy haze, I briefly wondered if Brad had secretly recorded us once and was playing it back in my ear. It sounded like they were in our room. The skin slapping and groaning was all around me and I couldn't escape it.

It didn't last long but it was violating enough to where I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. I am routinely waken up by this bitch doing things that most people are able to do without alerting their neighbors. I can say with full confidence that I have had friends over while putting on my make up and I haven't ruined anyone's sleep schedule.

I don't know if I should tell our landlord or if that's inviting some bullshit karma into my life. Having a bad relationship with a neighbor is essentially the worst because it makes your home feel unsafe and annoying, and I love my apartment so much that the thought of moving is just so stupid. Ear plugs? Anonymous note? I want to hang up one of those bamboo screens to put a little more privacy in my patio, but like, passive aggressive much?

I hate her and I want you to hate her, too.