PROUD NEW OWNER OF A GODSON

Friday, January 15, 2016


One of my dearest friends had her second baby yesterday. Babies are just so unreal. When I walked into the room, he was laying in his little basinet and looked FAKE. Like one of those fake dogs you can get at the mall that "breathes" but doesn't really breathe, it's stomach just inflates and deflates. His feet are, like, two and a half inches long. His fingernails are mere millimeters and he has a lot of sweaty head hair.

I had the privilege of being in the hospital for her firstborn as well, but this time it's a whole 'nother ball game because your girl is a godmother now. That's right. I'm in charge of spiritually guiding another human being.

Anyway, I just want you to know that I'm not scared or intimidated by this new role. In fact, it should be easy as hell because I've been unofficially spiritually guiding thousands of you for years now.

Bye.