knock shit over

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Because I sort of care about you guys, I'm gonna share a little advice I heard on my morning podcast (I am an old person who listens to the same 20 records and 3 podcasts now).

I get a lot of relationship questions in my email from you and nine times out of ten, I'm going to tell you that you either hang out with shitty people or you need to break up with your boyfriend. Seriously. I recognize the insensitivity of this, and before you accuse me of being insensitive, I want to let you know that I am actually painfully sensitive, but I have learned to not bask in my sensitivity anymore. I used to wallow and wither away while being the most sensitive bitch on the block and it ruined me. It has taken me well into my adult life to figure out how to not feel so much all the time, but I assure you, I still feel things, you judgmental shits.

ANYWAY! I get questions about "my best friend ghosts me" and "I can't decide if I like my boyfriend anymore" and I mean it. You are hanging out with the wrong people. Disassociate yourself from these people yesterday. If you're asking a stranger on the web if you should break up or ditch your shitty friend, you already know the answer.

And here's why that's true: at this point in our lives, you need to only be dealing with people who will knock shit over to be by your side and defend you. There's no room for trifling motherfuckers who are only around when it's convenient and who don't celebrate your successes with you and don't help you move heavy furniture even though it blows. I'm gonna say it again: people need to be knocking shit over. People need to be desperate to stay in your life and stop at nothing to remain relevant. Your boyfriends need to not only support you, but stand up for you. Your friends need to buy your drinks sometimes. You can't live your life keeping everyone else afloat while you slowly drown yourself.

And likewise, you need to be knocking shit over to be with these people as well. If the thought of getting off your couch and seeing someone pains you, don't do it. If you are dreading something, don't attend it.

Only do things if you'd knock shit over to get to it. Only pursue relationships you'd knock shit over to be involved with. Be a fucking tornado in your own life for things that matter.

And most of all, recognize the people who don't knock anything over for anyone. They're boring and are using you.