I'm not sure how to explain it other than in a straightforward way, so here it goes: I finally texted a potential therapist about setting up an appointment.
When I went to my doctor a few months ago, she strongly urged me to seek out cognitive therapy. I've been going through something EXTREMELY personal for most of my adult life that I'm not ready to talk about online, but I'm also not sure I'm ready to talk about it with a therapist either. I start tearing up at the thought of having to say the words out loud, and it's honestly taken me months to even find someone I felt remotely comfortable with contacting. I'd even been rejected by a therapist who I thought would have been a great fit because I'm kind of going for that hippie-dippie vibe. I mean, guys? I got rejected by a therapist before she even met me. IT'S WHATEVER, it's just like, come on.
Then I found someone who specializes in my specific problem, but doesn't accept insurance and charges $250 for a 90 minute session.
That is a car payment. Goodbye.
Anyway so I flailed around, got really emotional, and basically closed my eyes and picked one in-network. I barfed a million feelings to her via email and she wrote me back the most in-depth, caring, thoughtful message. This was last week.
I've just now mustered up the courage to text her (per her request) to set up a time to meet. Before I hit send, I started to cry.
So YEAH you guys, I guess what I'm saying is I finally DO admit that I need therapy, OKAY?