Like, first of all, it's ridiculous that I even got Invisalign. I mean, it isn't, but it is. Every single person's reaction to me having Invisalign is "your teeth aren't even bad!" But joke's on you, motherfuckers, because it's none of your business and nobody asks your opinion on anything ever. Remember that.
Well, anyway. So I went through the Express treatment, which is just 10 trays. You switch 'em out every two weeks. I did that. We didn't like the progress because of the one tooth that is clearly a middle child and just will NOT chill the fuck out. So I'm on my "refining" set. Which is 10 more trays. I think I'm on, like, number 6. I also have buttons on all of my front teeth, which are actual brackets, which sort of isn't the point of Invisalign but that's okay. I'm fine.
So, I am so sick of wearing the trays. They're gross and I'm weird about mouth stuff. Like, Internet? Did you know I would use a brand new toothbrush every time if I could? I use a new one every week, and that's kind of pushing it. I am very wasteful with toothbrushes. I buy them in bulk when I'm home and my dad takes me to Costco or Sam's Club (#dads, amiright?) but otherwise I buy the 99 cent toothbrushes whenever I'm at a grocery store (3-4 times a week) and like... the irony isn't lost on me. In an effort to be less disgusting, I am being very disgusting.
The thing is, I love snacks. And you have to take your trays out to eat. And then you have to brush and floss before putting them back in. This is a long process and so I will often take my braces out for breakfast and then not put them back in until night time, and then they kinda hurt but it's my way of doing things and I'm fine.
So I didn't have my little case with me the other day and I wrapped up my braces in a napkin and put it in my back pocket. Normally I throw it in my purse but I got busy at work and, well, it fell out of my pocket. And my coworker saw a napkin on the ground. And threw it away. In the trash can. That had garbage juice in the bottom of it.
By the end of the day, I realized I didn't have my braces. I searched through everyone's trash cans (which is just paper) and the break room trash cans. Twice. I couldn't find it.
That's because the napkin disintegrated in the garbage juice and the braces themselves are clear.
My braces were sitting in a puddle of garbage sauce all day long.
So that's why I'm killing myself.