A brief pass over the ol' Internet tells me the following:


Well, it's happening. I finally get to pursue my lifelong passion of starting a yoga-based ukulele band with Russian accents.

Oh. OH. I get it. He's Jewish. This explains why I feel 15 around him.

(When I was 15, I was inexplicably only attracted to Jewish guys who lived in Calabasas. I did not actively seek them out -- I would meet them in the wild and only later would I find out that they were Jewish and living in Calabasas. It was an actual epidemic of my heart. I tortured myself over this guy Sam who played in a ska/punk band called Unlimited Warranty and didn't like me back. I don't blame him because I was a tomboy with acne and I was also inexplicably obsessed with Hanson, which doesn't align with my Jewish obsession but I never claimed it made sense. I later dated a boy named Eugene who I met on a dating website when I was 16 and thought I literally couldn't live without him for a minute and when I went to his house I laughed and laughed and laughed because he lived off Las Virgenes which is like, the gateway between Calabasas and Malibu and I'm all, are you Jewish? And he was all, YUP! My friends at the time were all Born Again Christians who only hung out at their Born Again church together, which was a place where you sit in Born Again chairs and listen to Born Again white men talk on stage about how Borned Agained they were and how everyone should have a healthy dose of Born Agains everyday and they told me God would murder me if I married any or all of my Jewish love interests, basically. I got sat down at a dinner table and told that if I married a Jewish boy who played bass in a ska band, what would we tell our children? LOL.)

Well! Great therapy session! Thanks Ronen Rubinstein!