excerpts from my LiveJournal

Monday, April 27, 2015

November 16, 2003: “I want to be married, in love with a handsome and quirky man, pregnant and watching Annie Hall after we just took our dogs for a walk.”

Brad and I talk a lot about when we're getting married. Which is strange to not only admit, but to put out there on the Internet. We are planning on getting married. I went through a phase in my early 20s where I vowed to never get married. Now, I want to get married, but only because I want It All. I want The Perfect Life, and that entails marriage. But I have no delusion that marriage isn’t the least fucking sensical thing in the world. I still want to watch Annie Hall. I still want to take dogs for walks. I still want to get pregnant, someday, I guess, because of my biological drive to pass my genes along (I'm pretty fucking great) and gifting Brad the greatest gift of all (legal rights to watch my body rot when the cancer sets in).

But holy fuck, I can’t believe I once wanted someone quirky. Quirky is exhausting. I can’t deal with a full grown man acting "quirky." Grow the fuck up and get a real job, imaginary loser man.