on how I accidentally became a pescatarian.

Monday, March 30, 2015

I don't like eating meat.

For the last several months, I've been inadvertently limiting my meat intake without even realizing it. And I have been eating a ton of fish. Too much fish, probably. I'm craving it all the time. I just want fish! Leave me alone!

I don't eat meat unless someone else cooks it for me, or unless it's packaged and full of nitrates, because I am terrified of preparing and cooking meat. This has rendered my meals accidentally vegetarian. I mean, I'm not a great cook. But the difference between undercooked pasta and undercooked meat is that one can end in DEATH, and I also started following an Instagram account of two pigs that wear costumes and kiss each other and I realized that the carnitas in my tacos came from sweet little pigs and I DON'T KNOW WHY IT TOOK ME 28 YEARS TO EMOTIONALLY CONNECT THE DOTS, because I've always known that, but it finally hit me and I'm not going down that mental path every time I want a taco.

A few weekends ago Brad made us both steaks. I felt bad because they are expensive so I ate a small portion. He doesn't cook often so it felt like I needed to STEP UP TO THE PLATE and eat cow parts. It was good! He's a good cook! Lots of butter! Until he started puking the next day. I was fine! He was sick! I'm glad that I didn't get sick but it's not worth risking anymore. Fish tacos. Fish tacos are wussup. I just... I couldn't eat fleshy animals but I still needed tacos, and veggie tacos are a huge drag.

Plus, fuck fish. They're slippery and boring.

Anyway, I don't think I'd had a steak in several years because I am a prudent and cautious anti-glutton and only Dads cook steak and I hadn't lived at home for several years and then I wasn't good at actually being home for dinner when I did move back for a year, and so what I've learned from all this is that steak is not worth the effort.

Basically what I'm saying is that there is too much chewing involved. I'm too lazy to eat steak.