seeking medical advice on how to force brad to watch dexter

Monday, February 23, 2015

Brad refuses to watch Dexter.

I don't get it! I have tried getting him to watch Dexter for years. I've seen Dexter. All of it. I'm a card-carrying Dexter fan. Until, like, that last season. That one didn't count. But one day when I was in Nashville and hungover (LOL, LIKE THAT NARROWS IT DOWN, RIGHT GUYS?!) I decided to start binge watching Dexter and I fucking loved it for that 2 months. I even painted my nails like the Ice Truck Killer painted his victims' nails and whenever anyone would ask me if I did that on purpose I would say YES, YES I DID. And we would mentally high five each other. I just watched Dexter and thought about maybe making the effort to shave my legs when I lived in Nashville.

He resisted Breaking Bad at first, too. And Breaking Bad is mad slow in the beginning. But he stuck with it! And he loves it now! Because what kind of MORON doesn't like Breaking Bad? Best show on TV in the history of TV, hands down. Like, it isn't even a debate. You start throwing bullshit opinions about TV and someone mentions Breaking Bad and it's game over, every time. Every fucking time.

But Dexter is kinda that way, too... with people who have seen it. Brad claims he's seen the pilot and
"didn't like it." Yesterday we were snuggled up on our couch* with terrible sushi pangs and I said I wanted to watch something scary. We were scrolling Netflix and I said "LET'S WATCH DEXTER." He groaned, said no, and I reminded him that he would probably fall asleep anyway and that he'll probably end up liking Dexter just like everyone always tells him and he said "I'll just read then."

Like, what? You are so resistant to watching Dexter that you're gonna tell me that you would rather sit here, not move, but make the effort to READ while I am watching it?

He pulled that line on me one time when I was watching Pretty Little Liars and he got 15% invested in the episode.

Anyway, he was kind of into it. I hadn't seen the pilot in years and man! Oh man!! Dead bodies cut up into all those pieces!!!! I TOTALLY FORGOT!!!! I got so excited by it all that by the end of the pilot when the Ice Truck tosses the detached head of a victim onto Dexter's windshield, I knew Brad was gonna shit himself. I just fucking knew it. I glanced up to see his reaction, it was gonna be priceless!!

He was asleep.

I DON'T GET IT. He isn't squeamish, he loves violent boy things like Grand Theft Auto and he loves Breaking Bad where people get blown up and shot and choked out and methed up. Why doesn't my boyfriend want to watch Dexter? WHY?

*His couch. :(