Bend over please?

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

I was just looking at past years on my blog and I realized that on December 31, I wrote “Bend over, 2010. I’mma make you my bitch.”

That’s hysterical to me. I’m not even that kind of person. Like, why would I write that? Why? That’s not even me. That’s not even close to being me. Am I being ironic there? Why do I not know? I’m not the kind of person that makes something “my bitch.” Like, I wouldn’t even know how to go about that. I’d put in a lot of apologies and thank yous. “Um, if it doesn’t bother you so much, do you think maybe you can bend over a teeny bit? I just want to try to make you my bitch. If you don’t mind and you’re not busy or anything. No? Oh. Ok. No! It’s fine! No! Don’t worry about it! Haha! Catch ya later!”

My new job started yesterday and I cannot for the life of me figure out how nine hours went by so excruciatingly slowly, but somehow my half hour commute went by SO FAST. I forgot to take a lunch break and I also got period all over my underwear, so before you go around thinking I'm this new mature woman, remember who you're dealing with.