The great thing about always wearing make up is that on days you want to fake sick to get out of something, you just don’t wear make up. And then people say, “Oh, you’re right. You even look sick,” and then you go home to sleep and also cry because without make up, you look like shit enough to feign violent food poisoning or a new superstrain of herpes that turns you into one giant walking cold sore. With AIDS.

Without make up I look like an AIDSy cold sore.