money is my family now

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Lots to catch up on since I made this ol' bloggeroo private three weeks ago.

I'm almost entirely done Christmas shopping, and everything has arrived. With the exception of a book for Brad's dad, almost everything I purchased was from local or independent vendors. I strongly urge you bitches to do the same.

I'm utterly stumped on what to get Brad's mom. I've known her for ten years and she is one of my most favorite people on this planet. Her home is beautiful. Everything has its place. So I can't buy any house wares. She loves designer bags and sunglasses, which I can't afford. She has a Nook, so I can't buy any books. I got her a B&N gift card last year (with other things! I'm not a loser!), so that seems lame. Any ideas for mom gifts would be tight. Email me.

I’m actually becoming really restless about this new job. I only slept like four hours last night and if it weren't for my insatiable desire to never get out of bed, I'd be 45 minutes through the early morning barre class already.

Sad to be leaving the entertainment industry. SORT OF. Sad to not be part of the day-to-day and snuggling on couches with cute babies and having the insider dirt on TV shows and movies. NOT SAD ABOUT THE NEW SALARY AND INSANE BENEFITS PACKAGE AND... A FREE MASTER'S DEGREE.

And then I have this fantasy where I shout this at all my friends and family. I throw a photo album across the room where it hits the wall and lands open-faced with a giant picture of me in the future where I’m diving into a money pool like a Scrooge McDuck and everyone from my past is outside, in the snow, with tattered clothing and dirt smeared all over their face. “Please, Karin, let us in,” they speak collectively, in a chorus.

"I don’t want you to dirty my money, you filth." I dive deep within my 1000 dollar bills the US Government has printed specifically for me.

"But we only need a dollar to pay for our a new apartment. If we don’t get it now, we will die cold and lonely," a single tear runs down each of their left cheeks as they all speak in unison.

"Never," I will reply, as I poke my head out from the currency around me.

"But we’re family!" Two have died since their last sentence.

"Money is my family now," I say haughtily after I spit out a stream of gold coins I found caught in my mouth from the dive.