It's really nice temporarily having a bit more time off, but I gotta say it:
I’m starting to get a little frustrated. It really should not be this difficult to sell my fucking soul.
I bet you thought I wasn’t the type, but I am. My soul is most
definitely for sale. It has been for awhile but I guess when the economy
crashed, so did the market for souls. I mean, I can barely give this
shit away, which is ridiculous considering what good shape my soul is
in. My soul is definitely, you know, "used," but still in great
condition. I’ve spent a lot of my life working on myself; trying to be
a calm, caring & conscientious person. I have a better work ethic than anyone I know & a
pretty damn good attitude when I need to have one. I haven’t been worn down by the weight of
the world or rubbed raw by being slammed by the dick of life. AND
I’ve never broken the law in any ways that would hurt anyone! I’m not
trying to scam anyone here! It’s a perfectly good fucking soul, man!
And I’d give it up for a fair price. Hell, catch me this week (or drunk anytime), & I may even give it to you at a low, low introductory rate. I’m also willing to talk financing. Just no layaway cause this shit ain’t K-Mart at Christmas. If I had to compare my soul selling to anything, it’d be more like, Nordstrom Rack. Reasonable prices for high quality goods that are probably like, two seasons out of fashion.
Anyway, if you know of anyone who’s in the soul business, make sure to give them the good word on this super hot, exclusive soul tip I just gave you!