thank a bitch

Friday, September 5, 2014

I like Pinterest. You know? What's not to like, really? Tons of recipes and interior design ideas and life hacks and... mason jars.

I won't go into how much I hate Pinterest weddings, because I've already done that. But over the past month or so, I've been growing increasingly more aware of the fact that I have some tacky ass acquaintances.

Did you know it's actually proper etiquette to send out Thank You cards after your wedding?

Do you know how many tacky ass weddings I've been to?

Do you know that I have never received a Thank You note?

Not a single one. Not a single piece of paper saying "THANKS." Thanks for spending part of your Saturday driving across town to a Target to spend $60 on generic bathroom accessories in exchange for sitting in the bug-laden outskirts of a barn to watch me spew generic love-thoughts at the person I'm going to divorce in ten years. Thanks for sacrificing your hard-earned money and 50% of your weekend to be around people you don't know or like, wearing heels in the grass near a barn, to be a witness of this institution. Thanks for buying me things. Thanks for watching me do things. Thanks for paying money to waste your time at a party that doesn't even have an open bar because we are DIY-ing it and we're super poor because we make bad choices and have no sense of self-awareness because we are entitled children who can't even be bothered to thank the people who made it possible.

So whatever. Enjoy your barn weddings. Take all you can from the people you invite. But for the love of God, you guys. Get some manners. Thank a bitch, for chrissake.