the world is pushing vaginas

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Dear E!,

Holy fucking shit, calm down on the fucking HPV-prevention ads. Jesus CHRIST. They are the absolute worst ads in the world. I KNOW WHAT HPV IS, STOP MAKING IT SOMETHING I THINK ABOUT ALL THE TIME. I don’t want to think about death via my vagina every time I watch this horrible show about plastic surgery that needs to be cancelled yesterday.

It’s not even making me want to get the Gardisal shot (even though I will, I guess, if I ever get health insurance, I don't know), it’s making me fearful of leaving the house.

I’m like, totally emotionally fragile probably, E!. I mean, I haven’t cracked yet but sometimes I’m like, “I’m one crying fit away from joining Scientology.” And that is a joke, E!, but not entirely.

Watching something that is telling me “YOUR VAGINA IS GOING TO KILL YOU SOMEDAY DEFINITELY, PROBABLY” is entering dangerous territory. I can’t mentally handle it. I can’t.

I watched AntiChrist once, E!. Don’t make me turn against myself. I’ve seen what a pair of scissors can do. That footage doesn’t just leave a bitch.