by the way, before I go to work,

Monday, August 4, 2014

Did you guys know that I constantly feel like everyone hates me all the time? Like every word out of my mouth is being mentally recorded so that everyone can talk about it when I'm not in the room? I've been hyper sensitive to this lately and even wound up ruining a moment for myself because somebody reacted minimally disinterested in the outburst I was having re: terrible bar service and, like, I'm not one to outburst in public. I wasn't even outbursting loudly. I was outbursting to this person because the service we (WEREN'T) getting was really, really unacceptable and I had to bitch and moan for a second. Like, not even twenty seconds of moaning. Maybe ten. But because I am paranoid and sensitive and really trying to get people to stop talking about me* I went into silent mode and haven't come out of it since. I don't think I've said more than a few sentences since that instant last night. Something else that's super weird, and totally not related at all but I don't know how or where to put this so I'm just gonna put it here, I was going over some take-home worksheets that my friend is doing because she very recently decided to see a therapist for some personal stuff. Do you know that I have like 14 out of 15 of the traits of a formerly abused child? What's THAT all about? As far as I know, I grew up in a supportive, loving, in-tact family where we laughed all the time and went on a lot of vacations to Vegas. I went to therapy in college because I was depressed / wanted to die / realized that life is basically meaningless and some asshole tried convincing me that I actually didn't grow up in a loving household and that I have repressed self-worth because of my parents. My parents who totally love me and tell me all the time that they love me and have always been there for me and helped me through some top shelf shit in my life. RIGHT?

*This only really happened in Nashville and/or by people who used to live in Nashville and have just held grudges against me for things that really didn't matter to begin with, like some mad jealousy because I'm the flyest bitch in the game and they all know it.**

**Do you see how I go from self-deprecating to unreasonably cocky? What is wrong with me?