1. I don’t know why that phrase popped into my head, but it made me laugh. I Googled it because sometimes I get scared I’ve read a joke before and only half-forgot it. Anyway, it turns out that people actually say this! As a non-joke! This is a thing that people say!!!!! It’s terrible, but also one of the reasons I love life. You know? Like, there are people out there who A) believe in Jesus’ divinity and B) BELIEVE HE’S WHITE. And I don’t mean to shit on people who believe in Jesus’ divinity. I dunno if you’re right or wrong about it, but it’s your thing! I get it and I respect it! Jesus is like dreadlocks to me. I get it, I respect it, but I’m still pretty sure that it's not quite right.

2. I really don’t mean to be an asshole about religion, but this reminds me that earlier today it blew my mind that every week I went to an institution where they made me say things like “blood of Christ shed for you” and then was forced to drink wine that represented BLOOD? Are you kidding?! Why do my parents wonder why I’m so emotionally high strung?!