Remember a few days ago when I was gushing about how well my life is going and it must be a matter of days before the terminal cancer sets in?

See that bowl of rice on my night stand?

My iPhone is in that.

Because yesterday, while Googling ways to get toddlers to take medicine so that they don't immediately throw it up in my face, which had happened all day, the toddler I watch started to stand up in the bath tub, and I ran over to make sure she wouldn't slip and fall and hurt her precious little head, and then, in slow motion, my phone fell directly into the tub. Fully submerged.

It still worked after drying it off, save for a few essential features (the speaker, being able to make calls, listening to voicemails, etc.)

I kind of want to die all of the time and this was really close to just putting me over, so I tried lying to myself by looking in the mirror and saying “this is really fun and I’m glad it’s happening to me.”

What do I care? We’re all going to die one day! And a lot of us will end up in wheelchairs first.