Some people have chronic bitch face. It’s just how their face is. I have chronic miserable face. I’m almost entirely certain that my face, at peace and rest, just looks miserable. That is what I know I have.

What I fear is that I have chronic lesbian face. This has been a fear of mine since I was like 15. Because I brought my guitar to school for a project to sing a song about something, I dunno, and I overheard a popular girl say that girls who play guitars are always lesbians. From that point on, I assumed that all of those girls thought I was a lesbian, which was only exacerbated by my perpetual participation in several of my school's choirs, and the fact that my male friends were exclusively gay men and theater fanatics.

Listen, there’s nothing wrong with being a lesbian. I love lesbians as much as I love gay dudes and straight people. It’s just, you know, it’s not the message I want conveyed. I don’t want to be advertising I’m a miserable lesbian when I am just a nervous straight person.

Anyway, thanks for reaffirming my weird fears!