"I’m not tired at all," I THOUGHT. "I’ll just lie here and watch the latest episode of the Kardashians," I THOUGHT. "It’s only 9 PM, I will definitely not fall asleep like all the other times I think it’s a good idea to lie in bed with blankies wrapped around me, watching a show on my laptop that I place on the other side of the bed because the cord won’t reach the nightstand," I THOUGHT.

Except I fell asleep before the “Previously, on Keeping Up With the Kardashians…” segment ended and now I am wide awake at 3:35 AM and screw you. All of you.

Is it weird that I keep the laptop on the other side of the bed when I don’t use it at my desk or at the table? Is that totally weird? Are you judging me? I woke up next to my laptop at 2 in the morning, like it was some dude I met while drunk and then we both made a huge mistake and luckily I woke up sober and early enough to sneak out before anyone else wakes up, EXCEPT IT’S MY LAPTOP AND IT’S MY ROOM.

Mac&Me, you’re better than a drunken mistake. I will let you sleep parallel to me for the rest of your warranty.