I pulled up to the four way stop with my right blinker doing the only job it knows how and waited for  a red truck to take its turn, his right blinker performing the only job it knows how, half a beat faster than my own. There was an awkward idle until it dawned on me that the red truck was pulled over to the side of the road and had not meant to be taking a right.

I looked at who was behind the wheel of the red truck and saw it was not a red truck, but a man driving a red truck, and I realized that I do that a lot: I see red trucks and blue pants and purple bikes; I don’t see men driving and women walking and children riding.

He was slouched towards his window, his arm bent at the elbow. Periodically and without rhythm, in contrast to the blink blink blink of his truck’s turn signal, he wiped his crooked arm down his face.

I forgot to pretend to not look as I drove by because I forget that parts of my car, namely the window parts, are see-through. I looked and I looked obvious, but he didn’t notice because he was too busy wiping his tears.

I passed him and I looked at him and I hoped that he was okay, but I’m selfish and so mostly I thought about how long it had been since I had cried in my car.

I thought about how 2013 began unbearably bad, and how I still feel entirely stuck, but at least I’m not crying in my car all of the time. I thought about how I feel entirely, completely stuck, but at least I enjoy the people and events that are swirling around me. I thought about how I feel entirely, completely and utterly fucking stuck, but at least I am working towards better things, enjoying every single person in my life, letting go of the people who discounted my worth, being the happiest I've ever been, living the reality I craved for years and years, and acting better in every way I know how.

Things aren't perfect, but they're better than I imagined at the beginning of this year. Things could be better, but they're universes away from the person I used to be. A few portions of my life are in shambles, but the parts that matter are flourishing. And at least I am not crying in my car every goddamn day anymore.

I drove around the block once more, but when I arrived where I began 6 minutes later, he was gone.