I once read an interview with Natalie Portman in which she said that, since she has small earlobes, she’s more evolved than the average human and I was like, “Well, fuck you, Natalie Portman, because I have caveperson earlobes, probably, but I still understand how alienating it is to say that you are MORE EVOLVED than the rest of the human race.”

But I forgave her on my surface emotions because she was at Harvard at the time and I can only imagine you wind up saying super obnoxious things when people are pumping self-importance inflating bullshit into your system at all times. I mean, I can only imagine because people have mostly only said SUPER rude things to me and I went to maybe like, the eighth best school in California, and I still have moments of being like, “Well, you got a crazy large caveperson forehead, so I can’t really trust a damn thing you say.”

So like, I get you, Natalie Portman. I sometimes get mad that you thought you were like, the next level of human when you were 19 or whatever and then SAID THAT THOUGHT OUT LOUD TO A MAGAZINE REPORTER, but y’know. We’ve all said things out loud we weren’t supposed to say.

'Cause we're not really all that evolved, you know?