Because the human I date* is taking a snail's pace through the first half of season 5 of Breaking Bad, I got restless and started watching Orange is the New Black and now I'm obsessed with it.

You guys gotta be sharing your OITNB theories with me before I wind back up on the message board circuit.

*I never really use his name or tag him in things because he has expressed interest in remaining somewhat anonymous, which is one of the reasons I like him. He doesn't use me for my blog powers. He also has no idea where my blog is -- just that it exists and a lot of high school girls read it. I'm sure a swift Google search would yield the results for him, but he's also incredibly lazy and have I mentioned he doesn't get around to things any faster than a snail's pace? He probably won't read this until 2015 when we're all in our panic rooms with our panic backpacks, fighting over dead cockroaches to eat after 9/11: Part 2 (The Remix) hits and all we have left is the last few weak signals of Internet with which we should be using to gather survival information but instead I have insisted to waste on reading old blog entries aloud to my boyfriend.