I read the word “thrilled" today and for reasons too intellectual for you to understand, within 30 seconds I had finished writing an entire screenplay titled Thriller Whale.

Thriller Whale is about the struggle of a killer whale who just wants to make it as a Michael Jackson impersonator. It’s all he has ever wanted to do, all he has strove for. It is heartbreaking to hear him profess his dream, because he can’t stay on land comfortably for more than half of a song and also he has to buy a brand new red leather jacket every other week because he lives in the ocean and it’s hard to keep leather looking good there. And inflation is probably super high under the sea, so it’s mad expensive.

In the third to last scene he meets a girl orca and she convinces him that he doesn’t get his talent from the red leather jacket, nor through channeling MJ. The talent is all on his own. He drops the act and starts to perform beautiful whale songs to the delight of marine life everywhere.

The movie is about finding love and realizing your dreams.

You should all kill yourselves, because I don’t know why more people exist. I’m all this world needs.