Finally got to see my guy last night after not getting to spend all weekend with him because of his friend's bachelor party. My life is devastating, but before you send me an Edible Arrangement, I need you to know that I not only got my period while drinking a Coke Zero, I also spent the hours between 11 PM and 5 AM doubled over, wide awake, and crying like a baby woman about how much my cramps were eating me alive.

Now I need to buy some Oxyclean, because for some reason evolution thought the best way to make babies was to create and expel uterine lining every month. Even when you sleep. It’s so fucked, I know. Let’s not talk about it.