All day men be comin’ up to me like, “Karin, how you get your hair so flat, unshapely, brassy, and uninteresting? It’s so sexually attractive to both my brain and my penis!” and I’m like, “Don’t worry! You do this thing, right? Where you leave the cap to your $22 bottle of hair nice-enhancer real loose like, okay? And then you leave it upside down so that it comes out easier next time you use it! And then! And then it leaks out everywhere! You’re left with a near empty $22 bottle of nothingness and a giant puddle of what looks and feels exactly like purple lube all over your bath tub and the things on it, like your razor, your bottle of face wash, your loofah, and several bars of soap!”

And then the bros be like, “What about how miserable you’ve looked all day? How do I get my girlfriend to look so miserable in the face like you? It’s fodder for my sexual desire!” and I’m like, “SAME AS BEFORE.”