Today is 4/17 and if you know anything about me, you know that 417 is a number that haunts me and probably means something significant. I look at the clock everyday at 4:17. Every single day.

So I figure today I'll either get proposed to, dumped, or murdered.

I'm trying to stay positive because I love this number so much, but on my drive to work this morning, I saw a sign in town saying that “retaxes are due May 17th” and I audibly said “WHAT?” and got really angry because what the fuck are retaxes? Those are a thing? Does adulthood never end? IS THERE NO FUCKING END?!