thrifting secrets

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Wanted to make sure to remember to tell you that I bought Italian Hammer pants with stirrups for three dollars the other day and they’re so wrong that they’re right.

There’s at least a mile of room in the crotch, which doesn’t apply to my body but is a STRANGE SENSAYSH considering I’ve been wearing leggings and skinny jeans for the last million years. Actually, some days I’m SUPER not into showing off mah body and I wear bootcut jeans that are at least two sizes too big for me, but OH WELL. There’s no crotch room like the crotch room I’m experiencing now.

They’re like, a tangerine color which goes in and out of my personal color wheel every other year or so. As of two days ago, I’m playing for Team Tangerine, but only when I’m in the house/am buying shampoo at Walmart down the street. And you know, who knows? I could get pretty comfortable with myself over the next week or two. I might start wearing these things OUT. To the grocery store, to the club, maybe on one of my many dates that I’ve declined from eligible bachelors because I have a crush on a dude who lives far away from me for a minute. Do you think he'll like these? Who knows, right? My life totally changes every six months. These pants could become my thing.

I need to be really clear that I have no ambitions of being trendy because I have actually spent three hours having my hair and make up done before, and I still didn’t look as good as most of the girls I went to college with did on a Saturday night (I’m never like, “the whole package” and don’t try to tell me that I am because I don’t need consoling, I’ve accepted this years ago. I would have begged my parents to get me a face surgery or a boob job or something by now if I was unhappy about it.) These are not “trendy” Hammer pants. They’re jersey cotton and they have the aforementioned stirrups and I found them in the sweatpants section of a thrift store.

I need to mention, thrift shops in Nashville blow. They're awful. I don't know. But they’re getting smart at thrift stores these days. Sometimes they know to put the trendy stuff on a rack in the front of the store and mark the prices up. I pass by those racks like, “EXCUSE ME?” because I have never not found something that spoke to my heart crumpled up in a ball behind a rack of dresses in the back of the store. That’s what you should be looking for. The stuff other smart bitches tried to hide in order to come back and buy it later because they didn’t even have the three dollars on them at the time.

Anyway, I’m done giving away my secrets for today. Memorize this, because who knows when I’ll be feeling this generous again.