please don't let me have a panic attack right now

Saturday, April 20, 2013

My roommate got home at 2:45 this morning. I know this because the sound of him walking upstairs and then unable to open his own bedroom door woke me up. I've been awake ever since.

I spent two hours cleaning out closets / drawers / cabinets and purging any and everything I don't need. I filled a trash bin outside with old seasonal M&Ms, Justin Bieber wrapping paper, art supplies, and old notepads full of things I wanted to accomplish over the past two years, but never did. Dumb Nashville-centric things. It's bizarre seeing how excited I was about starting over here, given how much I thought I always hated it here. It's bizarre seeing how deeply my hatred has bled since then.

I began packing up miscellaneous items: books, small packaging, some pillowcases for cushioning, my sewing machine... and then gave up. I give up, world. I can't do this. I'm knee deep in keepsakes and I can't fucking do this. In the midst of it all, my landlord emailed me back with the terms of cancelling our lease. I still have slightly less than a month to accomplish everything, but MY GOD, I don't even know where to begin.

I'm gonna go out and buy boxes and bubble wrap (to suffocate myself & mail to "BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN")... but tomorrow. I'll do it tomorrow. Why? Because I took half a Xanax 20 minutes ago and have been awake for 12 hours and can't fucking do it right now.

You know what I can do? I can keep watching Pretty Little Liars like I don't have a care in the world.