7 years ago, at a Halloween party in Santa Barbara full of people I mostly didn’t know, I got super drunk because I was wearing a black dress and had some obnoxiously sized cat ears in my hair.  I passed out IN A DINER and was carried to a stranger's house by my roommate, and put in somebody's bed. I woke up an hour later to pee, and found my roommate in that house's livingroom. Nearly a dozen people set up camp to fall asleep there and I told them all — I didn’t ask them, I told them — that we would be falling asleep to When Harry Met Sally. I woke up to a young Asian man singing R. Kelly songs while punching the air with boxing gloves on. His bed was next to the bed I was in with my roommate. My roommate wanted to go shopping, so I picked at half a blueberry muffin and 30 minutes later made her pull over so I could puke it up in the parking lot of a mall. I got vomit on her jacket that I was wearing. After we were done shopping, we went back to that weird house that was still full of strangers, and I watched her play ping pong with frat guys for three hours. I begged her to take me back to Ventura, where I would end up spooning with my R.A. the next night and kicking him out in the morning so that I could drive my roommate to her soccer game, where I would vomit in that parking lot.

Every day since I’ve been trying to get back to that person.