sorry 4 all the cussing.

Friday, March 15, 2013



Mama needs a refill (mama = me) but LOL! I got a really important email today and I need to answer this publicly. I did not ask this person if I could post my response so girl, if you mad, I'll take it down. But I think it's a pretty harmless question and I won't name names. So!

"what's your favorite type of cereal? I mean, it's an important question for really knowing someone."

OH DANG. OK, OK. HOMEGIRL BRINGING THE HEAT.

Well, off the top of my very head, the fall back cereal of people who grew up in certain kind of households is my favorite cereal: Mother F’ing Cheerios.

I’m from a “no processed food, no delicious snacks” environment. We occasionally got to drink soda, and my mom is a bomb-ass baker so there’d be cookies every few months, but nothing store-bought and processed. It’s fine. It taught me a lot of things. One of the things it taught me is that eating healthful foods is both important and delicious in the way that healthy things are. I will scarf on some Cheerios like, in a second.

Then, we’re talking Spesh K territory. I am so down with Spesh K. That was a cereal that I had limited experience with until my high school years, but I enjoy Spesh K so much. Spesh K, Corn Flakes, Rice Crispies, Chex... all staples in my stomach for most of my life.

OK, now we’re getting down to the REALNESS of my cereal habits.

Quaker Oat Squares are so on one that it is retarded.

I got two boxes here last week because they were $1.99 at Kroger, which is some fucked up East Coast / Midwest bullshit supermarket. Part of the Albertsons family. If you’re from the West, I don’t even expect you to know what it means, except you need to know that I’m a ride or die Albertsons bakery cookie bitch and I will hold those cookies down until I die. I don’t even LIKE bakery cookies. ANNNYYYWAY.

Lastly and certainly not leastly, I want to talk to you about the Cap’n. I do not dig CRUNCH BERRIES. Like, “LOL, Crunch Berries! Who the fuck do you think I am?”

That’s what I’m like.

I do Cap’n Crunch (and Cinnamon Toast Crunch!!!) in a moment of total weakness. If it’s on sale, instead of ice cream or some other fatass snack, I will holler at a box of OG Crunch or CTC so hard that it’s not even reasonable. I get all embarrassed walking through the grocery store with it like it’s both pregnancy tests and KY Jelly at the same time. Why would you ever buy a pregnancy test and KY Jelly at the same time, you know?

That’s how I feel about that.