the oscars

Monday, February 18, 2013

I started to think about how meaningless the Oscars are and how people who usually don’t give a shit seemingly start to give a shit. It’s like, why are you giving a shit over the Oscars? Why? I love award show season, though I rarely watch the Oscars because we've already had the Golden Globes and even though I totally want Joaquin Phoenix to do crazy things re: his mouth, my mouth. Also, isn't Joaquin Phoenix the coolest name you have ever heard? I'm kind of mad that it's taken.

Then I started to think if I was up for an Oscar, like Best At Not Killing Myself or Best New Lady At Utilizing Hemp Oil On Her Hands, then yeah, I guess I would give a shit, and then that’s when I realized that caring about the Oscars is probably the same as being a pro-lifer for abortion: you’re against it until you’re up for one.