on being a hateful, insecure asshole.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

I think sometimes when I write in this blog, my brain-thoughts make me seem like a… take-no-shit sort of person. And usually I am, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I am this very weak individual who will fret for hours over one-word texts (“Nah”? NAH? Are they angry at me? Are they annoyed? DID I ACT INCORRECTLY AROUND THIS PERSON AT SOME POINT IN MY 26 YEARS ON THIS EARTH?) and automatically assume, upon two unanswered texts in a row, that I am hated, despised, that I am just wrong in general. And unattractive, usually.

And then I will be really sad for a few hours or days until my sadness hardens into anger and then that anger flakes into an over-supply of self-confidence because I’ve convinced myself that I am so awesome and this person doesn’t deserve me in their life. Because it’s either an overabundance of self-confidence or a razorblade to so many body parts until I hit something that kills me, ya know? I’m one of those people.

And then that person will call me a couple hours/days later and it turns out that ONCE AGAIN, I AM TOTALLY WRONG. I TOTALLY MISTOOK YOUR “yeah.” FOR HATRED AND DESPISE. AGAIN. YOU THINK AT SOME POINT I WOULD STOP DOING THAT WITH 99% OF THE PEOPLE I SPEAK TO.

You have no idea how many one-word responses via any means of communication has sent me into that spiral.

And it’s because I tend to be very passive-aggressive, and most of the time my one-word replies mean I don’t want to talk to you and if you call me more than once and I don’t return your call, then I definitely hate you and everything you stand for and I want you out of my life forever and OH MY GOD, WHY CAN’T YOU TAKE THE HINT?

So basically I’m this big bitch who assumes my emotions and actions are everyone’s emotions and actions.

(Stay tuned for more of Karin's "Thoughts During PMS Week.")