brian murphy will rule the world

Thursday, January 10, 2013

I was thinking the other day about how the popular kids in Junior High and High School really do peak during those years. Like yeah, we're faced with their zit-less skin and perfect hair and tan skin everyday for 2-6 years, but the truth is, after that they just work at the Nestle Cookie cart in the mall and then get progressively less-good-looking because they stopped caring about vanity and started worrying about the fact that all they had to offer was their Prom night photos, and they never paid attention in class, barely skated by with C's, have no idea what they want to do with their lives (not that any of us do, but), and you don't hear from them until your 10 year reunion (or, in today's world, when they curiously add you on Facebook) and find out that all those years were so unidentifying anyway.

There was a boy that everyone used to make fun of in elementary school named Brian Murphy. Brian Murphy had a public crush on me, and was my partner for square dancing lessons in 6th grade. When they called my name after his, I looked at our P.E. teacher and sighed all like, “ARE YOU F'ING KIDDING ME ABOUT BRIAN MURPHY NOW?”

I was a nerd, too. Like, as if I was in a position to judge that kid, you know? I was a full head taller than everyone in my class, was mad lanky, had zits all over my forehead and chest, and hadn't had the pleasure of braces yet. Although I was popular in elementary school because I was loud and people didn't want to mess with the Giant Girl, I was also the smartest in my class, got all of my clothes as hand-me-downs from my sister, and got made fun of pretty regularly for being "weird." But I was well-liked, generally. At least in the security of those classroom walls. I managed to make my personality front and center, and had a large group of friends.

But he was so picked on all the time, and I could see his frustration over it in his face. Sometimes it would kill me to look at him. I remember one time following him out to line up after the bell rang, where he was kicking the ground and fighting back tears, and I said, “Brian, are you okay?”

He didn’t even answer me because he had no reason to trust me with the truth. After graduating to Junior High, I never saw him again. Looking back, his parents probably had him transferred to a completely different district, based on how badly we all treated him.

Yo, Brian Murphy has to be super handsome, rich as hell, and getting tons of chicks right now.

That’s what the Universe has taught me about outcasts and nerds. Brian’s probably balling out so hard after years and years of putting up with that shit. As worn down as I get sometimes, I know that I'm busting ass way harder than most of my high school class. I feel like it is some type of karmic payback, based on how crappy those years of my life were at times.

Anyway, if all I can offer him as an apology is this amazing Google search result for his name, then I hope he accepts it. I feel really badly about the way he was treated and I hope he’s living a doper life than most of us can even comprehend. He earned it.