The girl I nanny is super sick, so this morning we watched Disney's "Oceans."

I wasn’t expecting Oceans to be mind-blowing (although some shots were really amazing), but I couldn’t get over how horribly trite it was. I get it, Disney! As a human, I’m totally ruining the ocean! The ocean, it’s ruined! And it’s because of humans, like me! I get it!

There were several times where half-facts were presented with absolute no other clue-ins on what was going on. And at one point this little marine dude popped mysterious FEET out from his underbelly and then popped them right back in! I shit you not! What the hell was that animal?! Why did he have useless feet he could pop in and out at will?! WE’LL NEVER KNOW, BECAUSE DISNEY REFUSED TO TELL US.

The kicker was the very end, when the narrator posed a question that was along the lines of, “The next time you want to know more about the ocean, do not ask ‘what are the oceans?’, but ask instead what are you?”

What the hell. That literally means nothing. Whoever wrote the narration for this movie clearly didn’t want to be apart of this shit at all. That’s the kind of half-assed bullshit I used to put in my papers that I put off writing until the morning they were due.