tell my grandkids about this

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Robes with hoods and pockets are the only kind of robes to wear, because sometimes after your Christmas dinner you pour a large glass of champagne and drink it all before you go upstairs but you still hold onto your glass because you are possessive and insecure and you need to find a way to carry mashed potatoes into your room. But your hands are holding your Veet hair removal cream because you’re a sensitive bitch with sensitive skin and your cell phone because you can’t even pee without being entertained by something colorful anymore. What do you do? Well, you put your cell phone in your left pocket and your Veet hair removal cream in your right pocket and then you carry your wine glass and mashed potatoes upstairs and sit at the computer, wondering how long you can stay in your bathrobe before it’s time to get dressed to look at Christmas lights with your best friends.

Tonight my sister's boyfriend was telling us all that he loves playing Craps in Vegas, to which I quickly responded "I love taking craps," and my mom laughed until she cried.

Merry Christmas.