Pray for the retrograded

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Damn. Did you guys know Mercury was retrograde for, like, almost all of November? Shit!!!

This explains so much!!!

I'm totally ruled by Mercury, and that bitch is always going retrograde. Exceeding amounts of retrogradedness.

The thing I like about retrogrades is I can just save all that energy I would normally spend looking for someone to blame/murder for the series of unfortunate events. More importantly, I don’t even have to fret my pretty little head contemplating my own responsibility in my life. No, I can blame a planet instead!

Headache? Retrograde. Step in dog shit? Retrograde. Forget to pay electric bill on time? Retrograde. Have too much to drink and decide to drive yourself home? YOU’VE BEEN RETROGRADED.

It’s all very freeing you know, absolving yourself from your life’s liabilities. It’s like, do I really believe a planet has that much control over everything? I’m not sure. But will I believe it anyway 
just so I don’t have to wonder why the universe just shit all over me? Of course.

I’m just going to focus on the good things that happened now that it's gone direct. For example… let’s see… I made cookies.

Yeah, it’s been a rough past month. It’s going to be okay though. It's December now. We just have to stay strong until the next one hits, probably next month! I have like another three weeks before Mercury gets bored & decides to ruin my life again.