Why I started back on birth control

Friday, September 28, 2012

I have already sent out the personal responses to some of the really, really meaningful emails I have received over the past couple of weeks (and, again, writing about seemingly futile thought processes on the Internet has actually proven to be a great thing for me... and I thank you for reading this) I wanted to publicly update you in case you were wondering about how I have been handling things lately:

I am on my 5th day back on birth control. It was a really difficult decision for me to make, because I was really concerned with having my body be in its best, natural shape. Many of my friends have gone down this path and chosen to use a better diet and supplement regimen in order to create hormonal balance and a better quality of life. It has worked for them, and I am so glad for them.

That just isn't the case for me.

I had a long discussion with both my mom and my sister, who also suffer from ridiculous hormone imbalances and regulation struggles. And it goes back further than that -- as far as we know, women on both sides of my family have had major reproductive and emotional health issues. We have all tested at ridiculously high estrogen levels, with a serious progesterone deficiency. This is why my particular birth control works so well for me. If you are currently on birth control and are unhappy with how you feel, I strongly urge you to have your hormones checked in a blood test and try a different one. Everyone reacts differently to different medications.

I know I'll still get the occasional annoying (yet good-intentioned) email, telling me that I haven't tried the right supplements, or the right diet, or I need to go all vegan, or I have a gluten allergy (I don't), or that I'm lactose intolerant (I'm not), but at the end of the day it was my decision.

And I feel so much better.

My moods are stabilizing, my weight is going back down to normal, I have more energy, I am not light-headed, I am not bloating to the point of looking pregnant (yes, I really did look pregnant, and one person did ask me if I was), and I am feeling more like myself. If I drop dead from a heart attack from this pill, at least I will have dropped dead feeling more fabulous than the most fabulous woman who ever lived. Plus, like, that won't happen because I don't smoke and I take really good care of myself. Pretty sure you only die if you are a smoker. Always. (Also, everything I just stated is just what I've heard, so I’m sorry if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure* I’m more right than you’ll ever be on any subject in your entire mediocre lives, you bastards. You rat bastards.)

And yes, I am so bitter that I allow myself to feel so sorry for myself for "needing" these meds in order to act like a functioning adult. At an age where I have not experienced 1% of what I know I will experience. At an age where I have nothing of real substance under my belt.

Except my vagina.