So we need to talk about this.

Last week, the dude baristo who took my order at Starbucks drew a heart on my cup.

He also underlined it three times.

In case you don't have eyes.

I think this was mad inappro-pro for him to do because, like, YO. Say what you want about Starbucks employees drawing cute crap on my cup to, like, brighten my day or whatever... but a thrice underlined heart is borderline asking for a lock of my hair, right?

But I can't stop going here because it is literally the closest option for me to get coffee in the morning. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, "what about all those cutesy coffee shops in 12 South?!" And those cutesty coffee shops don't wake up until after 7:00 in the morning, which is just retarded, because they sell coffee to people. Does Starbucks deliver their coffee with sexual harassment and, like, STDs? Probably. But I don’t care if my coffee has STDs in it if I can get it before my job starts at 7:00 AM, Frothy Monkey.

Also? This Starbucks is the nearest to my jobski and is by far the least popular in Green Hills. I have decided that this is probably because of the awkwardly friendly employees, the kind of unreasonable prices, or because they inject each and every coffee with trace amounts of herpes, syphilis or genital warts. I don’t know, I guess that has to be it. Everyone in town keeps rushing to the shop up the street, but while they all wait in line like a bunch of assholes who care about their long term genital health, I have AT LEAST 40 extra minutes to drive around the block listening to my iPod and thinking about how good cardiovascular exercise is for my heath. Or like, whatever else I might be thinking of.

And that's why I hate your local coffee shops, Nashville.