Sunday, July 22, 2012

Why would I take a picture of a dead spider on my sheets to show to the Internet?

I pulled out my phone, took a picture of the spider, and even put a filter on him to look extra disgusting and scary. Yes. I woke up, went to the bathroom, went into the music room to write a song about dragons, and when I came back in here, on my sheets, where my legs were all night, was a titanic-sized spider carcass. Fresh carcass. Why? Probably because he ran out of flesh to eat on me. Because he ate it all. All of my flesh is eaten. I am fleshless. You should see me right now. There's blood everywhere. I can't keep my blood on my body. I can't keep my organs attached because my body bag has been eaten by one spider.

And no, Internet. I won't be showing you his dead body. I also won't be showing you my legs, which are akin to a red velvet cupcake fresh out of Hitler's ovens. And nobody wants to see that.

Look! I'm growing as a woman.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have more Breaking Bad to watch.