Katy Perry Movies are Child Abuse Fodder

Friday, July 6, 2012


Not lollipops or bras, but they were red and awesome.


And yes, I went to a movie about Katy Perry dressed as plainly as possible. Movie was great. I literally laughed and I literally cried. Was a little annoyed that her whole message is being weird and unique and doing yourself to the fullest and EVERYONE AT HER SHOWS JUST DRESSES LIKE HER. But I get it. I get it. I know what it's like to be admired. Katy & Karin: living as one.

There was a dad sitting in front of me who brought 3 little girls. It was mad adorable. I was like, props 2 u, dad. You're a great dad. That's such an attractive dad quality to me. I will never procreate with a man unless I know for sure he would take our 3 little girls to see movies about pop stars on a Friday night. That was so special and I know those girls will remember that about him. Unless he was not their dad and just an older guy... in which case... I'm watching you, guy. But not exclusively, because Katy Perry is on the screen right now. So I guess you're pretty smart to be pulling that move. Katy Perry movies are the new Creepy Molester Vans. It's 2012, you guys. The future is now.

So!!!!! Okay!!!!!

I cried five times during the Katy Perry movie.

I wasn’t even drunk! 
I don’t think.

I mean, I probably am PMSing,
 so, I wasn’t technically drunk but I had the emotional stability 
of a wasted nineteen year old with a penchant for drunk dialing.

It was just a truly incredible experience, and yes, it made me cry. A lot. And I’m not even a concert crier! I’m not that person! I only cry in my bedroom! But it was just so special. It’s just insane to me that there are humans out there who are not only awesome musicians (I am mostly referring to her touring band, cos those guys work their asses off... actually, everyone on that tour deserves a medal), but who can perform like that. Here I am, fuckin’ throwing words up on the internet, and there are people out there synchronized dancing about love and stuff basically.

The reason I’m telling you this is because everyone lately has been like,
 WHAT IS UP WITH YOU AND THIS KATY PERRY REVIVAL?
 WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH THIS 6 YEAR OLD ACT?
 WHY ARE YOU CRYING?!

WELL, I’LL TELL YOU!
 BECAUSE I EXPERIENCED MAGIC, OK?!