Just wanted to let you know that I have found the pants I am going to wear for the rest of my life. So please don’t worry about me if you see me in these pants like, everyday. I’m not going insane or homeless or anything. This is a personal choice I’m making, a la Doug Funnie, to have sort of a uniform when I’m not in p'jams. I have never really felt this way about a pair of pants before, and I’ve just never felt better than I do when I see these pants. They are everything I’ve ever wanted in a pair of pants: black, slim, novelty print & perfect ankle length.

Usually I do not wear any one piece of clothing out in public like more than three times because I am a nut case with a ton of clothes but these, these are just too quintessential to my lifestyle. I just can’t even imagine myself not wearing them all the time. I don't even want to think about it. I hope everyone wants to have sex with me IN THESE PANTS. If I die, I want to be cremated in these pants. Do you hear me, future bro with power of attorney over my dead body or whatever? I want to be with these pants for all of my dusty eternity.

Look, it sucks not everyone has an internet platform read by bajillions of people & aliens & princesses around the universe such as myself to claim an article of clothing from a totally accessible store as their own. But that is not my fault. Some of us are born with blogs and enough unwarranted arrogance to try and say a pair of pants are their Official Pants. I was also born with perfect hair, can’t do anything about that either so yeah, I’m sorry, despite being totally not sorry.

If you have an official article of clothing you never want me to wear in return, please let me know because that is fair (unless I already own it, in which case, sucks to be you again cause there’s probably already a picture of me on Instagram in it with somewhere between eleven and a trillion likes).