beware of kittens.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

There are various neighborhood animals who think of me as the lonely grandmother who has nothing better to do than give them fattening treats and desperately try and pinch them.

I mentioned several months ago about the dog across the street that my neighbors completely neglect. She often trots up my driveway when I get home from work and just makes herself at home in my refrigerator's cheese section. There's also a little terrier who thinks my back yard is his personal tanning area, and when I dare to walk back there during his sessions, he growls at me. There are a couple yappers that come and go, as well as two playful cats that romp in the grass and chase each other around.

Then there are the chickens. Somebody has chickens and they like to sit in my yard, especially when the cats are around. They have not yet laid their eggs in my yard, those entitled bastards.

I'm like a living Snow White, is what I'm saying. I leave water bowls around the perimeter of my living space and the animals keep coming back. Actually, I used to have water bowls. I put out the cheap white mixing bowls that I picked up at Walmart a year ago and the dog across the street took them to her house and hasn't returned them because she's a puppy and doesn't understand the concept of theft.

And now, you guys? Are you ready for what I have now?

KITTENS.

AT LEAST TWO OF THEM.

I was closing up my downstairs blinds today before going in for a few hours of work and saw a white fluffy ball in my side yard. And it was moving. And it was a kitten.

I came outside with another bowl of water and set it down, along with a slice of cheese. The kitten saw me, hid in the grass, POUNCED AT ME, and then ran off. I felt very sad and rejected, until ANOTHER KITTEN JUMPED OUT FROM BEHIND ME. But as soon as I moved an inch, that kitten ran off too.

I left the water out but ate the cheese because I'm not trying to run a damn orphanage here.

And when I came home from work just now... kitten ran across the front of my car and into the bushes.

SO IF ANYONE DRIVES TO MY HOUSE (as I suspect somebody must be doing because my motion detection outdoor light is on all the time at night) PLEASE BEWARE OF KITTENS.