I was sure that by the time I woke up this morning, this would be available.

This is the worst first day of the month ever.

I have been eating so much since I got here. Like, six straight days of eating really bad things. There’s a little diner / drive-thru right down the street from my parents’ house in Saugus that I grew up eating from. It was our Friday or Saturday night treat. When I am at home in Nashville, I am ALWAYS craving the buffalo chicken fingers and fries. ALWAYS. I’m never not wanting them. But when I come home and eat there, it’s always annoying to spend 40 minutes in the drive-thru lane and pay 45 cents for a side of ranch, but it’s home and I still love it.

When I was younger, I would stare above the cash registers where they have this half-assed wall of “celebrity” photos. As far as I can tell, they haven’t updated any of these headshots since 1990, and most of the newer ones aren’t even recognizable celebrities. I thought about asking the woman if these people were like, people she knew, or extras on the show NCIS that happened to grace the place in between takes at Vasquez Rocks, but instead I decided to cram on how I could get my picture up there.

Then I decided that I probably just need to start some sort of campaign. I’m just going to start sending out signed photos to random businesses with an attached note telling them that their business has changed me 4eva or is my most favorite or that I think they make the most delicious meatballs or something. I’m just going to lie and spread my face all around town so that when people order their ice cream at the Farmer’s Market, I’m one of the nobodies that they have to stare at. Because SCREW THEM.