This is why I can't watch Boogie Nights

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

I cannot watch Boogie Nights.

When I was 19, I smoked a blunt with one of my college boyfriends, who I always refer to as Flip Phone because he dumped me on my flip phone the weekend before finals my sophomore year. We were getting ready to watch Boogie Nights in his house. At the time, I didn’t smoke, but I had taken a few hits off of joints before and, of course, there was that time I smoked from a pipe so that I would fit in with the boy who played bass at one of our shows.  I thought nothing of the impending blunt. After my first hit, I got so lightheaded that for a second I thought I was already high. Then I took it twice more and ended up fa-reaking out. I was dizzy as hell, I couldn’t stand without leaning completely against a wall, I started to sweat in the chilly, night air, and I thought I was going to vomit everywhere. It was the worst time. That’s what I said when it was over, “that was the worst time I’ve had in 3 months,” which was true, and also the duration of our relationship. It was awful. It felt like the entirety of San Luis Obispo was on a tilt-a-whirl. I was so embarrassed and angry! I wobbled into the bathroom for what felt like three hours. Flip Phone told me to sit down, and I really should have immediately, but the second he suggested it I grew belligerent and refused because, what? I don’t know? I didn’t want the marijuana to win? “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” because I couldn’t even look at anything except focus on nothing in the distance while thinking about how I was having the worst time I’ve had in 3 months.

Boogie Nights was on the in livingroom and that's why I can't watch Boogie Nights.