I spent four hours today in the fetal position crying my eyes out over EVERYTHING. I cried because someday my parents will die and I don't know what I'll do when that happens. Someday Darien will die, too. I cried over people dying who aren't even dead. Then I cried because everyone has normal-people fun and I can't have normal-people fun because I'm a weird breed of non-normal and nothing is fun to me. Really... nothing is fun. I dread social situations to the point where I try and conjure up any excuse to not go, because the more often I go out, the more I realize I'm a freak who hates everything normal.

I'm also getting really claustrophobic out here. Really. I think it's the humidity. I want to go home, but I know when I go home it's going to not be home-home. I just want to be a kid again. I want to go to my childhood home and have my mom braid my wet pool hair and wear cotton shorts that she made me and make up dance routines on the front lawn and get peaches squished to my feet. And I can never do that again and it's not fair and it's so humid.