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Friday, May 4, 2012

So, great. Great stuff ahead. Just great stuff.

Darien finally got back into town Tuesday afternoon. A swift airport pickup and trot home, he had to run a million and a half errands before we could hunker down together, eat some dinner on the couch, where I would inevitably fall asleep and he would play Call of Duty until 4:00 in the morning, when I'd wake up in a terrible mood and yell at him for not carrying me to bed.

But no.

Somewhere between "getting home" and "running errands" I fell way sick. Mad sick. Unrelentingly sick.

I took a quick snooze on the couch and woke up with the worst stomach ache... which for me, isn't that uncommon. I have some like, chronic digestion issues. Whatever. I just told the Internet that it's hard for me to eat like a normal human. It's partially an intolerance to a lot of food, and also a genetic case of reflux that kinda leaves me hittin' the Pepto hard.

Oh, and panic attacks. I get those regularly. Like twice a month, on a good month.

So when my heart rate increased rapidly, I assumed I was just panicking and considered taking the one Xanax we have had in our house that I have been saving "for an emergency" and just falling asleep.

I considered that until I recognized that sharp twist in my stomach that demands a steady frolic to the toilet to unload the past 12 hours' bucket of stomach food.

And, oh! How it was unloaded! For the following 14 hours! Every 20 minutes, for 14 hours! That's like... 42 puke trips. That's me, getting out of bed to vomit, FORTY-TWO TIMES.

The funniest part? The kicker? I had left a note on our kitchen whiteboard asking Darien to clear out the hair from our shower drain before he left for Australia.  So in the midst of my pukedom, he marches upstairs with the thingy thing for the hair and...

It's too much to bear. I started weeping when he got picked up to go to the airport because even worse than having a stomach virus is having that stomach virus with no one to take care of you. Yeah, I'm kind of a baby! I also don't get to see my boyfriend for the next month because he's on tour on the other side of the world and got to see wild kangaroos on his train ride today like that's something that just HAPPENS to people! Kangaroos in the wild! I'm missing a tooth and have a stomach virus!

I have a stack of emails to respond to, and I promise I will write you back if you reached out. It might be later this weekend, but I'm forcing myself to stay in all weekend, and you can't REALLY watch Sex and the City reruns on E! all weekend, can you?