These look pretty good, right?

That's about the only positive thing I have to say about these cookies.

I pride myself on being a bomb-ass baker. I can bake all day long, all night long, and still have energy to bend you over while you go into cardiac arrest from the things I make. I'm like, really good at baking. The best, even. One day I want to open a bakery where you pay me with your soul and by telling me how good I am at baking.

I saw a recipe on Pinterest for some vegan sugar-free cookie dough inside a peanut butter cupcake topped with chocolate frosting and a baked cookie. In place of eggs and sugar, I had to use organic, pure maple syrup. Some bullshit like that. This cookie dough was one of the first steps.

I couldn't go further than the baking process of these cookies.

I should have known better.

These were absolutely foul. They taste like dog food. I hate them. I actually feel emotional about it. That's how much I hate them. I can't believe somebody would put something this horrendous on Pinterest.

What the fuck, vegans? Is this what you guys are normally eating? That's so nasty. Stop it.

I need to go lie down.